A Blessed Mess – A Letter To You Who’s Overwhelmed

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarkatahu,

I am not sure how to say this, but I’m crazy exhausted. I’m sleeping OK, drinking my fluids, I’m eating my meals, but my mind hasn’t been able to stop thinking. Even moments before my eyes close to rest, the brain wanders to the next thing on the to-do list; there’s always something to finish, something to settle, something to fix. It just never ends. 

Today, I woke up before my alarm could even ring, and even though I’m beat, I’m surprisingly alert. My mind is roaring to go, to do another 18 hours functioning day, but my heart gently whispered, “hold on a sec, Faizah. Before you go do your thing, do you want to maybe, write for a little bit?”

Such a subtle, but necessary hint from the heart that it’s in need of some… sustenance? nourishment? love? that it can only get from the one thing that brings me joy! 

So here I am, heeding the suggestion of my soul. Here I am, writing to make sense of the topsy-turviness that is my life. 

Dearest Warrior,

Thank you.

For giving your all in everything you do. For showing me that I have within me the strength, the tenacity, and the discipline to do anything that I put my heart to. For hanging on, especially on days where I barely can. 

Every morning as I see you start your day as you look at yourself in the mirror, I wonder, “how does she do it?” But when I see you smiling as you serve, I am then reminded, “aaahh, this is why she does it.” 

I know that there’s a lot more work to be done, people to help, milestones to reach. I also know of the promises that you gave: to yourself, to the people you love, to Him. And every day as you pray to be better than who you were yesterday, I’ll whisper my own set of prayers too.

I pray that you’ll be kinder to yourself than you were yesterday.

In between rushed meals, and quick showers, you steal a couple of breaths. When you are with people you love, you are riddled with guilt that you can’t be fully present. Your heart shrinks. You are neither here nor there, and no matter how much you give, give, give, you know it’s never enough.

You think you are a mess. You believe you are a mess. 

You start forgetting things, making mistakes that you shouldn’t, and when you are really at your wit’s end, you snapped to the one person who is your world. 

You are slowly losing it. 

“I’m a mess,” you keep repeating to yourself.

And as you beat yourself up for the hundredth time today, I hope you’ll read these words that I’m writing especially for you:

That although you are now a mess, you are a blessed mess. You are a blessed mess that’s just doing your best, so don’t you stress. 

You are a blessed mess, and all you need is a little rest. 

“How can I rest when there’s a million and one things to do?” you argued. 

I know you’ll say that, so look at what Allah is saying to you –

“in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest.” [Qur’an 13:28]

Meaning, you rest through remembering Him.

You rest through finding Him in this glorious and blessed mess that you are in.

“It’s not as simple as you say,” you argue again.

Again, I know you’ll say that, so look at how beautiful it is that Allah Himself has scheduled for you to rest 5 times a day, for you to take a break from the chaos of this world 5 times a day, because He knows you will be overwhelmed.

He wants you to rest by giving you the gift of Salah.

My dearest warrior, I hope you can take a moment today to just embrace this glorious mess that you are. Because there’s beauty in that mess, bravery in that chaos, and a whole lot of love in this work-in-progress. You are trying, and that means more than you think, there’s always a reward for putting in the effort and sincerely trying.

But also remember that you don’t have to shoulder this all on your own. Allah’s right there with you, and He’s always waiting for you to get your rest from your blessed mess, 5 times a day, every single day. 

Cherish that resting period, my dear warrior.

Love,

Your (always-rooting-for-you) Self.