بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarkatahu,
I thought I had nothing to write this week. I thought I had writer’s sickness, but I now realised I was experiencing a Heart sickness instead.
What this meant was, my heart was too distracted to ponder upon a lesson Allah(Subhanwata’la) was trying to teach me all week.
(He is always trying to teach and guide, it was me who was not present enough)
All frantic, I told myself, “OMG, that’s it! I’ve lost it. I don’t know what to write anymore. Can’t write Blogs anymore”
I just kept scrolling through my Instagram, where I came across this quote, “If you still have Heart, you can still do it. Don’t give up”
Those words totally hit a nerve in me, I started dusting off my heart and tried to have a Heart-to-Heart (forgive the pun) conversation with my Heart.
F: What happened to us in these past couple of days?
Help me re-centre myself please.
F’s Heart: Well, Let’s see. You started reading a book, Masha Allah that was nice, because you learned something new. You learned the Arabic word “KHUSHUH” which is actually translated to Humility in English, that was new to you.
A few days ago you also read about depression and ways to overcome it.
Oh!! Then there’s also that short story that you heard in Sheikh Hamza Yusuf’s lecture that affected you and since we are here, you do know that you’ve also been lacking Khushuh in your salah, right?
F: I know.. I feel it too. But why?
Do you think all these things are connected? Like, what is Allah trying to tell me?
F’s Heart: well, you already know that Allah does nothing randomly. So there must certainly be a purpose and a lesson that you learn from this.
F: But what?
F’s Heart: What’s the one word that has kept re-surfacing?
F: ????? I’ve no clue?? Is it …
F and F’s Heart at the same time: HUMILITY.
I had a lot of doubt on whether I should write today’s blog but I knew I needed to because this is the only space where I get to give my floating thoughts some anchor and a home, and I believe that through writing this week’s blog, I will also find the answer as to why I haven’t had Khushuh in my prayers.
(Hint: I’m sure it has to do with Humility, but I’ll get to this soon, In shaa Allah)
However, to start, I’m gonna preface by saying that I’ve always thought that having “Khushuh” in Salah means that one has to be present, mindful and/or tranquil. But I have never once thought it would be translated as having humility! So it definitely came as a pleasant surprise to me when I re-read the translation of the Quran where verses about Prayers that had the word “Khushuh” in it were mostly translated to being “humbly submissive”.
There’s that word again: humbly. Humility.
I gotta be honest, humility is something that I always, always pray to have but it is SO SO DIFFICULT to attain. It needs constant purification of the heart to always be humble. Sometimes you think all the success is because of you but it’s actually due to Allah’s generosity towards you.
Moving on, I was reading an article on depression which said about, How most of the population is suffering from Depression, the causes, cures and also Real stories of people fighting depression.
Now, how does Humility connect with me being on the receiving end of this article?
I’ll tell you how.
That article slapped me back to reality to the harsh truth that the world does not revolve around me and that there are other bigger things and/ or causes for me to care and fight for. That there are other interest and hearts to protect, other than mine.
Humility is thus, selflessness in action – and I was the opposite of that because I have been so distracted with “me, me, me” that I couldn’t see others in pain.
Humility, again, was not present in my heart
But you know what “sealed the deal” and sort of affirmed the fact that Allah(Subhanwata’la) was trying to teach me about humility? It was when I was listening to Hamza Yusuf’s lecture on YouTube this morning and he was sharing a story about how he was in a hotel in London and a man that was seated near to him ordered a beer. But he also had the Quran with him! Sheikh Hamza Yusuf then asked him, “are you reading the Quran?” And the man said, “yes, because I have some business associates in the UAE.” Then Sheikh Hamza Yusuf asked him how far along was he. The man answered, “I’m halfway through” to which Sheikh Hamza Yusuf then asked, “how do you find it so far?” The man then said, “I’ve noticed that there really is not much harshness in the book except that it ends with Mercy.” Sheikh Hamza Yusuf said, “You got that lesson only from the first reading, that’s a powerful insight!”
Sheikh Hamza Yusuf then connected the point of Allah always having Mercy on us, even despite all of our sins and flaws, to this A-HA moment that I love right here: “Allah just wants us to learn our lesson. He’s not looking for perfection but once the mistake has been pointed out to you, don’t be that person who is Jahl, who is arrogant! Because that is a disease! Be humble!”
BAM – at that point my heart was tugging, “Humility, yet again”
This then brings us back to the #1 question – why don’t I feel Khushuh in my prayers? Why don’t I feel the connection with Allah when I am praying?
Because Humility was nowhere to be found in my heart.
I realised that one of the biggest factors to being a worshipper or a slave to Allah, is Humility. I mean, just think about this for a second. One can only do the act of being in Sujood – a position where we are the closest to Allah – when one is humbled. You need complete humility to be able to prostrate and lower your head to the ground, to say, “I worship You, Ya Allah.”
Because remember Iblis? He was a devout worshipper, but was banished to Hell because he had no humility! He was arrogant and did not want to prostrate, and submit to Allah’s commands.
His pride caused him everything.
Please don’t make this mistake and ask yourself today, “is humility absent in my heart?”
–
I’m at the end of my blog, but I want to stress that although I now know humility is necessary to have Khushuh, I’m not saying that I have it. I know I don’t, because “humility is so shy, that if you begin talking about it, it leaves.” 😔
May Allah forgive us and have mercy on us, and may He bless us the ability to always have prayers that are sincere and humbled, Ameen 🤲🏻
Love and Prayers always,
F
If There Was One Thing I Wish For All - 